this month's top picks from the LRB Personals:

Green-eyed monster (F, 34) seeks non-pattern wearing intelligible man, 30-40, into the usual pursuits. Box no. 14/03

Moaning, miserable, middle-aged old fart, sought by bossy, nagging, middle-aged old trout. Must like reading, the countryside, and be useful around the (farm) house. Box no. 14/02

More pricks than kicks. It's a Samuel Becket title, they have to print it. Aristocratic heterosexual M. Still finding it tough. Still 53. Belfast. Box no. 15/11

My hobbies include crying and hating men. F., 29. Box no. 14/10

What are the chances? 1 in 216, as Richard de Fournival astutely explained in De Vetula, written between 1220 and 1250. I don't expect you to know that, however, because you're an idiot. Maths professor, 58, not afraid of being absolutely right at box no. 14/14