The weirdest thing about quitting smoking is that you dream about smoking, and then you wake up and immediately feel an enormous wave of guilt and confusion. The guilt slowly grows dim, and is replaced by relief, when you realize that you didn't actually smoke a cigarette. This relief is quickly followed by regret, when you realize that you didn't get to smoke, and this is followed by shame, when you remember that you're not supposed to want to smoke.
The worst part of the whole process is that the carrot at the end of the string, the one you've used to reward yourself with these many years, has been removed from the equation.
Yes, this makes me feel vaguely pathetic.
No, ice cream doesn't work.
These toothpicks are very nice, very helpful, but- just a tip- they make beer taste awful. (and mine are always stained with lipstick. so attractive.)

Smooching, I must admit, is the best cure I've found to date...