"I was your waitress Saturday night"

I proclaim National Waiter Appreciation Month to be now.
and next month, too.
how many times have I thought something like this:
"In addition to being out of magic that night, due to the holidays and family drama, I was also out of Ass Kiss."
my own personal favorite, which never actually got used, was "I'm sorry, my mind-reading abilities disappeared when I hit puberty. You'll have to actually tell me what you'd like."